New Syndrome Discovered

Well would you believe it, my neighbour is still here. After him saying that he was going in Mid January, he is apparently going in Mid February. Phew !

No, it is yet to be seen whether he goes at all, not that I want him to go, nothing to do with me whether he comes or goes. I really mean that, it's a free country and all that.

So after he said he was going and he didn't he went through a period of appearing very silent, you know as though he had reformed, listened to all those letters sent and responded in kind like most people do. Like please forgive me I have sinned and I will no longer be so inconsiderate

But then, the plot thickens, his tenure of silence suddenly erupted into another series of explicit door banging. A few times in the early morning and one particularly fulfilling one (for him at least) at half past one in the morning.

So you see the situation is far from resolved.

My only complaint has been his banging door, nothing else, honest.

So I have come up with a new syndrome for all those out there who like to put behaviour into little pockets of diagnosis. This young man fits like a hand into a glove with DBS. I have also included a treatment plan that might work, but you implement it at your own risk, I am no doctor.

Door Banging Syndrome (DBS)

1. Assertion skills way over the top. Anger is a primary consideration here, the inability to express anger in a reasonable way.

2. A childhood of implied violence or actual violence from and/or his family or his peers.

3. Dog scenting behaviour. The act of door banging is like a dog marking his territory by urinating in particular spots to show boundaries. Instead of scent marking the noise of banging doors is used to mark territory. It is a very useful means of doing so as it resounds great distances and leaves this incredible resonating noise in the mind of others. There is no doubt about presence felt and territory declared. Very territorially bound to say the least.

4. Enjoys, in fact delights giving psychic pain to others, this is usually a childhood learnt behaviour.

5. Controls others through pain or implied pain to others. Like torture without the actual torture if you see what I mean.

6. Lack of positive role models in childhood, a weak or none existence father or mother figure, or just plain spoilt. A philosophy perhaps from family that violence is the only way to get things done. Could go either way on this causative factor.?

7. Immaturity in relationships and intolerance of others.

8. Cataclysmic antagonism to criticism, which might reveal an underlying real genuine sensitivity. (More research needed)

9. Inability to stop really annoying infuriating behaviours.

10. Has no gentle female side to his male self, David Beckham has, so we are not talking the abstract here.

11. Cultural, social intolerance, anyone who is different is clearly a threat

12. Overwhelming Egomania.

13. Bullying behaviour, control and intimidation of those he perceives as weak, stupid and especially males with a gentle disposition.

14. Have no empirical evidence about the age range, but males appear about 20-30ish, if this is common then there is clearly a case of a testerone overload and could be a victim of his own genes.

Testerone is implicated in machismo, it puffs up the muscles, the ego and has similar effects in peacocks when they strut about showing off their feathers. This behaviour is meant to drive away other males, attract and mate with females. Doors appear to get dragged into this, much to their despair, I am sure.

15. A history of inanimate object destruction, window smashing and furniture throwing have been noted in some cases. Whether this will ever translate into physical attacks on humans is yet to be seen.

16. Aversion to classical music. A sneaky suspicion, with no real evidence at all to be honest, that men playing classical music in the background all the time (quietly I must reiterate) are wimps and woossies and deserve the sound of banging doors just to break the music up a little into dramatic climaxes that even Wagner or Beethoven could not dream up.

Treatment strategies

Clearly this is a very difficult condition to treat. The greatest cure perhaps is time itself. As with many of these conditions, self awareness and exploration of the inner psyche with resolution of childhood conflicts is the only way to deal with the obvious real pain in these individuals.

I have come up with a possible treatment plan that is in its very early stages and as yet completely unproven.

It involves the DBS sufferer in 3 main activities

1. Take long walks in beautiful countryside, contemplate the beauty of nature in all it's glory

2. Wait for a clear starlit sky and spend all night observing the beauty of the infinite universe and ones own place in it.

3. Take up meditation and practise it at least once a day (as I need to do soon) and find inner calm away from the pettiness of human interaction.

Warning ! Please, please, when proposing this treatment strategy to an individual with DBS make sure that you have worked out an adequate escape route and that you can run faster than him, just in case he takes it the wrong way and becomes hostile.

Summary

The evidence for DBS is very sketchy at the moment and much more research needs to be done, A comprehension double-bind study of at least 100 DBS volunteers is needed to ensure that this condition actually exists and techniques found to treat it. Clearly one cannot create a new syndrome just on the basis of anecdotal evidence and the annoyance of one person, but there is a basis for further research and knowledge which might benefit humanity in many ways not dreamt of yet.

The Door Banger

I have had this efernal problem for a few weeks now. One of my neighbours enjoys banging his front door. I am a loss of what to do about it.

Is seems very important to him to express himself, it’s a way of him stating to the world and other neighbours that he exists in the great plan of things.

No matter what I have said so far to him makes no difference. He seems a reasonable guy on the surface.

I tried the reasonable approach, not that I am going to try an unreasonable one, like "can you please stop doing this". He sort of lent forward with his left shoulder downward as though I was hard of hearing, gave me this piercing gaze as if to say "why are you giving me this hassle". I replied that "I was not looking for a fight" and all that I wanted was for him to not slam the his front door. "What I am I supposed to do when I come in, I got to close the door". Very logical argument. But I said this has never happened before and when he saw that I wasn't going to hit him he relented and said he will try not to do it any more, but he did anyway.

One day he had this argument with what appeared to be his ex, there was lots of shouting and angry voices. Could not hear what they said but the tone was quite clear. BANG !!!!! as she left the premises in grand finale worthy of a Shakespearean play. The door slammed with nuclear force. I ascertained that it take must years of practice to get the door to slam at just the right velocity to carry its mass into the very fabric of the building. If he where to enter the Olympics in a door slamming contest, he would surely win the gold and keep winning that medal time after time if he ever managed to live that long.

Couple of years ago we had a mini earthquake about 3.2 on the Richter scale. Not serious but enough to give one the hibbie gibes as the the whole building rocked in a very alarming context. The type of experience that sets you off in to believing in God again, because all one wants to say, is, "Oh my god"

Well his door slamming must register at the local seismic earthquake sensor station on a scale of at least 1 or say .09. So it is not as bad but still pretty impressive in building shaking terms. I am surprised that the local earthquake station did not report it in the papers as one of those strange mysterious blips they must get every so often.

Enough of that now. You see the problem, don't you. ?

Various means of dealing with the situation.

I could go to church and learn the art of forgiveness and recite "he knows not what he does", don't laugh because I think this is a very important idea. Sometimes we do things and have no idea of the effect it has on others. But this guy is not into things like that I am sure. He would just accuse me of being a 'holy joe' and smirk.

I could try a course of meditation, learn to control my inner anger, learn that a banging door is only a minute rumble in the immensity of an infinite universe, which it is actually.

Deep self awareness might help me get away from instincts of appearing to be a control freak, yes but, he is actually banging the door as stated and any reasonable person would think the same, I hope.

I could create a bust up, a big furore, let it be known to him that 'we don't stand no nonsense like this around here".

An old fashioned gentlemen approach would be to invite him outside on the lawn, roll our sleeves up and have a bare knuckle fight and let the best man win. Then in some peculiar way even if I lost we would end up respecting each other and he just might stop banging his front door. You never know ?

That's the way they used to do it, wasn't' it. Clear the air, sort it out. The police don't allow such things any more which is a shame because lots of disputes would be over and done with very quickly and no one really harmed, except for a few minor bruises. I am talking only fists mind you, nothing else.

Anyway he would win in both instances, his is younger and fitter, me older and not up to such things. No, not into violence and bust ups, really not, honest.

I could recommend to him a course of anger management. This is entirely relevant because he has learnt to behave this way from childhood. As a child if he could not get his way he would explode and slam a door. A statement of implied violence that is very effective if not challenged and confronted. He just has not grown out of it that's all and therapy would help him understand his inner feelings and deal with difficult situations in a more reasonable way. Nope, that would not work neither, "psychobabble" he would call it, hit me straight in the face to prove that violence implied or otherwise is the only way to get things done.

I could recognise his alpha male status. Get on my bended knees and ask him 'please, please, please don't bang your front door anymore, please, please, please, I am begging you'. He would treat me as a weakling, lacking backbone, maybe giving me a good kick to show that he was really the king of his particular jungle. Hey ! a man has his pride, I couldn't do such a thing.

My final option is to start an organisation that promotes peace and reconciliation in the world, promoting reconnection with each other and questioning how modern life is breaking up our abilities, we do have them, to care and understand for each other beyond the confines of our little life boxes. A good idea, but there might be an epidemic of door slamming throughout the world, just to prove to the idealists like me that peace and reconciliation is a big No No.

No way, my idealism stays.

Anyway I understand he is leaving, not doubt he will leave his mark before he goes.

Phew !?